Contrariwise

It’s spring break at UMD, so the CSC is short-handed. This is traditional. It’s also Holy Week. This does not usually happen during spring break. I managed to schedule one lector for each Mass, including myself at 7 p.m. I only go to the 7 when I have to, so I started out the evening with some bias.

That was my first mistake. God decided to humble me. (That’s what I get for asking for it.)

When I arrived at about 6:45, the chapel was mostly empty. Julie is away, so Hark came to cantor while Matt played piano. I caught Fr. Kyle between confessions and candle-lighting, and we agreed to go for the long form of Matthew’s Passion narrative for the Gospel. I was worried about my knee, but I knew the Holy Spirit and I would work it out like we usually do.

Moment of Humility #1: The whole neighborhood showed up for Mass. There were less than twenty students (maybe ten) in the entire congregation. My worry came back.

Moment of Humility #2: I read from Isaiah and the Letter to the Philippians with no trouble. I reminded the congregation to follow along in their hymnals to speak the crowd’s parts, and then I plunged into the Gospel. Without another lector, I had to read both the narrator and voice parts, which was tricky, but doable. (Contrast this with last Palm Sunday.) Around the halfway point, my knee got tired, but I asked God to help me not fall over, thereby making a scene. He humored me by strengthening my knee after I knelt on it during the pause for Christ’s death.

Moment of Humility #3: Father Kyle gave a nice, concise homily. It was only when he gave the introduction for the general intercessions that I remembered I was supposed to go back up to read them.

Moment of Humility #4: After the fraction and “Agnus Dei,” Father Kyle asked for an Extraordinary Minister to help distribute communion. No one moved. I’m not an EM, so I couldn’t help, and Maura got sick, so she had stayed home. After a tense moment, a guy I’ve never seen before came forward. He stood in the wrong position, so the progression of the lines was awkward, but we managed to get Jesus to everyone who wanted him.

Moment of Humility #5: After Mass, Fr. Kyle and I chatted while he straightened up, and then he walked me to the door. Only after I’d crossed the street did I realize I was still holding my hymnal.

It’s times like these when I pray, “Lord, thank you for reminding me that you are God, and I am not.”

Today’s Mass readings—one of the infrequent matching quartets—were about humility. The always-fabulous Bible Geek pointed that out, but I’d gleaned it from my own study as well. He says that the word for “humble” in Greek means “from the ground” or “from the dirt.” To humble yourself is to lower yourself to the ground. To be humble, you must embrace the dirt.

“I must be like the dirt.” That’s not an easy thought for anyone, but it’s important. The Holy Spirit never disappoints: I’ve been noticing a distinct lack of humility in my behavior. I’m so loud. I speak when I know it’s more prudent to stay silent. Sometimes it’s a straight volume issue. Other times, I think I’m too important. A good example was dinner at Chili’s last night. Lynelle took us girls from her FOCUS Bible studies to hang out with Tyler’s Bible study guys from the Naval Academy last night. I sat next to a very quiet guy (like Andrew), which made my loudness even more acute. Being quiet is good for me. On a superficial level, not speaking makes you seem smarter. On a spiritual level, it’s hard to listen while you’re talking.

I’ve also had opportunities to be humble. I’m the CSC Lector Coordinator, so I schedule the lectors every weekend. Due to Superbowl Sunday, I had to lector at 7 p.m. Mass. I almost always attend noon Mass; I get to enjoy our beautiful Memorial Chapel as well as the convenience of midday. But being in charge often means covering for everyone else, so I got up to attend the Spring Retreat Team meeting at 1:30, but not Mass. Matt missed me, which was touching, if more of an ego booster than an opportunity for further humility. I stayed at the CSC until nearly 5:00, waiting for RCIA to dismiss so I could put away the CDA books after our officers meeting. In less than two hours, I returned to prepare for Mass. Even that was humbling, as I performed the classic comic routine Girl Tries to Strike a Match to light the candle under our Marian icon. Fr. Cole, our visiting celebrant, has some unusual mannerisms. He used an unfamiliar Eucharistic prayer that I loved, but he also used intercessions for the memorial of St. Blaise (which is supposed to be automatically superceded by Sunday). So, though I didn’t get to read the prepared General Intercessions, I got last year’s throat blessing renewed.

Lent is about conquering ourselves. Our Lord suffered terribly for us, knowing that his sacrifice would merit our redemption. My suffering can’t redeem anyone but me and the Holy Souls in purgatory, but I’m glad for the opportunity. This season should cultivate that spirit even further.